Oh Deer
by knives4cash
Summary: Yang is on her way to acquire some physical loving from her patient fiance. Hilarity ensues.
Part sixty-five of my RWBY series "Pollination: The Bumblebee and White Rose".

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Riding down the road, dimly lit by the moon's light and blindingly lit by my motorcycle's headlight -thanks to a fresh can of Headlight Fluid- I ride, the cold night air whipping through my golden locks of awesome hair. Someday I'm going to get it tangled up in a spinning tire and get my scalp ripped off, but today probably isn't that day. An incoming call pops up on my holo hud, because that's just standard tech in my world, and would you look at that: It's Blake Belladonna To-Be-Pronounced- Long!

"What's up, kitty cat?" I ask as I answer the call. "Do you want me to stop by a place or something? We aren't running low on Blue Cow?"

"I just thought I'd check on you," she lowly hums. With the shuffling sounds, I think she's in bed, wrapped up in those warm, fuzzy wool sheets of hers. "You're on your way over, right? Don't stop for anything, just get here."

"Oh yeah I'm coming, and you will be too," I answer with a grin, even though there's no visual image because driving while distracted is bad. But this is totally fine, I'm pretty sure! "Everything's good. Ruby just needed me to record some extra lines for ' _Primary Color against Opposite Color'_ is all. I'm driving over now."

"Mmmhmm," she acknowledges with a really sexy moan, like holy moly that's enticing. "Well, don't keep me waiting for too long. I might have to find... alternative methods of alleviation," she warns with a soft giggle.

"You wouldn't dare!" I gasp in feigned shock. "Not when I have the model fifteen Sensual limb attachment! There's no way you could replace me!"

"Good point," she concedes. "I like the way you touch me too much for anyone else."

Oh look at that, there's a Grimm deer in the road. And it's just standing there. Oh. Isn't that just dandy. I'm usually against stereotyping, but I scream like a girl as it smashes into the front of my motorcycle and goes flying into the air.

"Yang, what happened?!" Blake demands as I barely regain control of my now bloody motorcycle and skid to a stop. "Yang?!"

"I'm alive!" I scream back as I try to get my heartrate under control. "I just hit a Grimm deer, though! There's blood everywhere! It's on my helmet, in my hair, on my boo-"

"Okay, I get the picture!" she reprimands. Groaning, she asks, "Is it alive? And is your bike still drivable?"

Hopping off my seat, I check the front. I also regret that my entire wardrobe consists of tops that have boob windows. "Yeah, the titanium alloy frame isn't even scratched. But now it's all red and lightish red."

"You mean pink?" she incorrectly assumes.

"No, lightish red, from the brain matter," I correct and clarify. "Anyways, the bike's perfectly fine." Ignoring her sigh, I look over to the road. A few dozen meters down, I see a flopping mass spouting blood. "Can you hear it?" I ask.

"That horrifying shriek of pain and agony? Yes, I can," Blake informs me.

"Do you want a visual feed?" I ask as I saunter over and examine it. "It's actually pretty cool!"

" _NO!_ No, I don't want a visual feed!" Blake rudely tells me. Groaning again, she requests, "Just get back on your bike and get over here?"

"No problem, kitty cat," I assure her as I hop back on my bike and wheel around to face the fallen beast. "Let me just finish it off."

"What?! No! Just leave it and get over here!" Blake bemoans. Sounds like she's out of bed, pacing around on the carpet. "Yang, please, it's late, and I miss you, and despite everything that's happened I still want your tongue on my-"

"Blake! I'm shocked!" I bluntly scoff as I slowly roll up to the shrieking beast, its limbs bent in ways that limbs don't tend to bend. "I can't just leave it here! It's inhumane!"

"It's a Grimm!" she protests.

"True," I admit. "But it's another point to my Road Rage achievement, so I'mma just grab it, kay?"

She groans. "If I didn't love you-"

"Hold on a sec'," I request as I use my legs to back the bike up. "I gotta position myself juuust right, otherwise I might end up flipping over when I hit it."

"You're going to run it over?!" she gawks, slapping a hand against her head. "Why don't you just shoot it?!" Blake wonders. "You have a robot arm that shoots flaming chainsaw hatchets! Why don't you just use that?!"

"Baaabe, I gotta get the Road Rage achievement!" I complain to her as I get to a suitable distance. "You remember that pamphlet we got on our first day at Beacon?"

"We got a lot of handouts, Yang. You couldn't figure out why the Faunus Pride club didn't want to give you any of their pamphlets."

"Yeah, good times!" I recall with fondness as I do some trig in my head... greatest angle of impact for this compression force would be sine of forty-five... or should I use cosine of forty-five? "But my point is that we got an achievement pamphlet, and one of those is to run over fifty Grimm with a vehicle."

"What's the reward?" Blake humors me, even though there's no actual humor in her tone.

Laughing, I explain, "The reward is fifty student points that can be redeemed at the Student Success Center! If I get a million points, I can redeem them for this cheaply-made plastic key chain."

Sounds like she slammed something against her desk. Might've been her head, judging from the "Ooouuurgh" noise. "Yang, if I didn't love you-"

"Hold that thought," I kindly request as I rev up and pop a wheelie, roaring down the road to obliterate my defenceless target. I'm almost upon the beast when it jumps up and dashes off into the darkness! "Blake! You won't believe it!"

"What? What?! What is it?!" she demands.

Letting off the gas, I coast down the road in relief. Breathing more calmly now, I inform her, "It just jumped up and ran off!" It'll probably terrorize some far-off settlement in the distant future, but why let potential blood on my hands get in the way of some good loving?

"Thank goodness," she sighs in relief. "Now can you just come over here and-"

I have to interrupt her again with a great calamity of noise and shrieking as I regain control of my bike again and barely avoid crashing.

"Yang?!" Blake worriedly demands. "Speak to me, Yang!"

"I'm alive!" I happily huff as I skid to a halt and hop off my bike again. "Blake, you won't believe it."

"What? What?!" she practically panics.

"I hit another Grimm."

She's silent for a few seconds. I guess she was thinking, because now she's very somber. "Yang Xiao Long, I am lonely and horny, even after hearing all of this in vivid detail! You have twenty minutes to get over to my place, or I am going to eat crumbly snack food on _**YOUR** _ side of the bed!"

She's serious! I rev up and pop a wheelie, screeching a one-eighty. As my front tire comes down, I zoom past the wailing Grimm. "I'm on my way, kitty cat!"

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 **A/N: I felt it necessary to RWBY-fy RTAA- Geoff Hits A Deer**


End file.
